Monday, January 26, 2009

...And Now for something Completely Different

This is what happens when you allow radical Enviromentalists to set public policy, when they have NO FRIGGING IDEA what the Heck "The Natural Enviroment" is all about!!!!

The Dam

This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries regarding a pond on his property. It was sent by the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Quality, State of Pennsylvania . This guy's response is hilarious, but read the State's letter before you get to the response letter.

SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County
Dear Mr. DeVries:
It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity: Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond. A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated. The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2006. Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action. We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter.
Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions


\,David L. Price,

District Representative and Water Management Division

Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries:

Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023;

T11N; R10W, Sec. 20;

Lycoming County

Dear Mr. Price,

Your certified letter dated 12/17/05 has been handed to me to respond to. I am the legal landowner but not the contractor at 2088 Dagget Lane , Trout Run, Pennsylvania . A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of nature's building materials "debris." I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.

These are the beavers/contractors you are seeking.

As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.My first dam question to you is:(1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or(2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request? If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. (Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.)I have several concerns. My first concern is, aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation -- so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling them dam names.
If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English. In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams). So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2006? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them.In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality, health, problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! The bears are not careful where they dump! Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office




mamawas said...

a great ecology lesson sorry for my poor typing

Reading said...

LOL - too "dam" funny...poor beavers...hope the guy he wrote the letter to had a sense of humor...

Ang said...

Reminds me of when my dad sent a bill to the phone company for $300 (billing them $10 a day for leaving their telephone cables sitting in the front yard). They acknowledged his letter. Hope the beavers won!

Dani said...

haha funny!! would be interesting to see the reply he got to that letter.

EMTSrescue said...

LOL! Thanks for my daily giggle! That was too dam funny! Have a great day CB!!

Suzassippi said...

It is funny--but not quite true. It has been circulated for around 10 years, with varying changes now and then. The actual policy of the Michigan Department of Environmental Quality is to leave beaver dams alone (Michigan was where it actually occurred.) A neighbor downstream killed the beavers and maintained the dams himself, but complained when it appeared they would flood his property during the spring rains. But, once something gets on the internet as the "truth" there is usually no stopping it. LOL

Mick Muise said...

My dad's town had to "relocate" a family of beavers because they built a dam in the town river and the result was that it wound up flooding some folk's basements. I always felt bad for the beavers. They were just buliding a home and doing what beavers do and then The Man had to step in, destroy it, and put them in some sort of witness protection plan for beavers.

Well, anyway, hope the PA beavers won. It would be a small victory for beavers everywhere.

Elizabeth Douglas said...

true or not that was one dam story that was funny! I would love to see the response to that! hahah! great dam stuff!

Fizz Wood. said...

where did you find this CB! its amazing. just the kind of "what are thee people on" story that i just love!!! :D
I say well done to that guy for replying in such a witty manner!

MaryC said...

OMG I can't believe that they actually thought he built the dams. I thought everyone knew about beavers.....I you think they know what skunks do?

Janice said...

Enough about the beavers.... We want Willie dirt!!!! Okay, setting up the next person for comment 12 and the infamous 13.... do it right.

Janice said...

Willie, Willie, Willie! Guess I have to...

Janice said...

Couldn't resist. Willie, Willie, Willie!!!

BunnyC said...

Love it, love it, love it! Thank you CB for the first laugh I had today! True or not it is good for a giggle.

Anonymous said...

This story is a partial hoax from 1997. You only posted half the story and made strong comments without knowing all the facts.

A simple search of this reveals the story in length.

Read the whole thing here:

Mystic said...

Were you planning on citing his blog in a doctoral thesis? Blogs don't have to be factual or even fact based. Whether this particular post is valid or not, I suspect CB's opinion would remain the same.
I consider everything I read on blogs entertainment. When looking for facts, I don't type "blog" in my search engine.
Just my thoughts,

Frieda said...

Dam snopes and the search engine it came in on. Mystic is correct, Anon is carrying fact check a little too far. I would suggest that Anon sign her posts so that her efforts can be properly commented on. Dam funny story CB, and please ignore the blog police!

Kim said...

lol. When did we get a blog police? Geez. I thought it was hysterical. Dam funny!

Miss said...

True or not, it is priceless!!!!

BTW, EMTSrescue, I am so jealous!! LOL! Regarding your comment after mine in another blog the other day!

CB, I thought this was a funny blog!! Have a great night!

Carlisleboy said...

To Anonymous.
The Next Posting is for you.
To explain to everyone else though..
What is my Puropse when I do a posting?
Basically All I am trying to do is make someone, somewheres day a little bit better.
It seems I have succeeded

Reading said...

CB darling, I'd like to thank you for all the smiles and laughs you give me every single day. Your blog never fails to bring a smile to my face. Thank you for taking the time to share all that you do.

EMTSrescue said...

Keep you the great work CB!!! You rock!!

valerie said...

I will have to admit to reading the Anon~ post before this one, but funny it didn't ruin my smile. Thanks CB it reminds me of a similar situation near were I live, our beavers are so famous they got their own wikiipedia listing

thanks for the smile CB :)

and my 2 cents on anon..if you don't have the imagination to even make up a name don't insult those that have it in abundance

ErieLady said...

~~Stepping on High Horse - CB, I must correct you on one very big mistake in this post, Pennsylvania is not a state. Never has been one. It is a Commonwealth. And as a native of the Commonwealth, you should know better. Stepping off High Horse~~

OK, I read that about 8 years ago when it first came out. Had me rolling then, still has me rolling. I personally can imagine the politicians in PA doing something so ridiculous.

Anon, you really need to chill out. I don't see any harm in his posting. It brought a very wide smile to my face. Maybe you need to meet a couple of those hard working, destitute beavers before you pass judgement.

Thanks for the laugh CB, I truly enjoyed it. Sorry for the High Horse, but that is a pet peeve of mine. Keep up the blogging and the good work.

Lori said...

It made me smile too! Post on CB! You make my day, every day, no matter what you post! And I'll add my 2 cents worth here, since everyone else has - when I was little, my dad used to say to me, "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all". I keep this in mind because the world is so negetive these days, I just want more positive whatevers! If you want to "correct" someone, do it nicely.